How to be an Upstander in Your Community.

/ʌpstandə/ noun
A person who speaks or acts in support of an individual or cause, particularly someone who intervenes on behalf of a person being attacked or bullied.

A bystander (someone who witnesses bullying, either in person or online) can make a positive difference in a bullying situation by becoming an upstander. An upstander is someone who sees what happens and intervenes, interrupts, or speaks up to stop the bullying.

In a bullying situation, an upstander is someone who recognizes when something is wrong and does something to make it right. If an upstander sees or hears about bullying, he or she will do something. This could mean stopping the bully, reporting the event, or otherwise helping the victim even after the fact.

We believe everyone can become an upstander, whether by challenging negative stereotypes with family, standing up to a bully in their school, or encouraging civil discourse when neighbors disagree.

Being an upstander calls for so many things — compassion, ethics, reflection, understanding beyond oneself — and it calls for courage. Anytime we courageously use our voice or take an action, it requires some kind of risk, and there is no such thing as courage without fear. At a minimum, it will make us uncomfortable.

We have so much to learn from our history when we are bold enough to face it. We have a great deal to learn from people of color who have led the fight (along with allies) against racism since its beginning. We have an opportunity now to read with different eyes, listen with different ears, and act differently — to act ethically with courage and compassion.

Here are five ways you can be an upstander instead of a bystander.

1. DIRECT CONFRONTATION: Use a “You” Statement

One way to push back on injustices like bullying is to confront the person with a “you” statement, as in “What’s going on for you here?” or “You need to stop talking to them that way.” A “you” statement is a decisive action, and it can be surprisingly effective in changing the dynamic.

2. DISTRACT

While it may be more satisfying to confront injustices directly—Hey, why are you talking so rudely?—sometimes the direct approach makes things worse for the person being harmed. Other times, it’s just not going to be effective. We’ve all been in meetings where someone is behaving horribly and it feels more effective to try to change the dynamic and deal with the person causing harm later.

3. DELEGATE

By delegate, we don’t mean asking someone below you in a hierarchy to do the work; instead, we get help from another colleague who is in a better position to intervene. You can delegate up, down, or sideways.

4. DELAY

Sometimes uncertainty about the risk of retribution may make you reluctant to intervene on the spot. But you can still check in later. Fear of retribution doesn’t mean you have to ignore what has happened. Make an effort to find the victim and tell them that you felt that the perpetrator was out of line. This helps victims feel supported and not alone, which can be an awful feeling when being victimized.

5. DOCUMENT

Your ability to act as an observer of situations, and to document them, can be an invaluable service to victims of injustice—whether because they want to report an episode (and third-party evidence helps) or simply because it is comforting to get a reality check that what happened to them was wrong. An upstander can take notes on what is happening during an incident in a way that the person harmed can’t.

OTHER WAYS TO BE AN UPSTANDER IN YOUR COMMUNITY:

Showing random acts of kindness is easy and you may already do some of these activities on a daily basis. Although the opportunities to spread kindness are literally limitless, check out a few easy activities to get you started:

  • Find out something new about a co-worker

  • Send an encouraging email or a simple text of appreciation

  • Pay it forward in the coffee line

  • Show your gratitude with a simple 'thank you’

  • Take out your neighbor's trash can

  • Look for volunteer opportunities

  • Hold the door open for someone

  • Call a family member or friend you've been meaning to get in touch with

  • Pick up litter

  • Shop and eat local to support businesses in your community

  • Run an errand for a busy family member or an elderly neighbor

  • Donate groceries to your local food bank

  • Compliment a stranger

  • Be kind on social media

  • Write letters or put together care packages for troops overseas